Wednesday, 15 February 2012

Future - My Mind Will Blow Up Soon.

What is it, the 'future'? 
When ever people ask me, what is it that I want to do in the future? I always say something without thinking, and sometimes my answers can be quite different from each other... it's not because I'm lying, its just because I haven't made my mind yet... Actually no... I don't even like that phrase. It's not that you can change your future with one click of your fingers, right? Is not like I can see what is going to happen. So I'd rather say, "I don't know". 

But I can't stop thinking about my future. In the shower, in bed, in the kitchen, where ever I'm alone, I hate to think what can happen, what will happen and what might not happen. And that's probably the main reason why I'm always stressed and worried. And by that I mean - it could be anything... For example; "What will happen if I'll choose him?"; "What will I think, or do after (some certain things)..." or "Shall I continue or shall I stop? What are the consequences and what are the benefits?". And for most of them I can't even find an answer, or most likely, they'll be negative again. 

But again, if I get a questions, asking me about my future, I will probably say "I don't know" and then add that "I want to finish my education (college & uni.), get a nice job, and live with my family somewhere very quite, nice and peaceful. "

But don't we all want it? Don't we all want to have a family that you will love more than anything, have a job, where you will get no money limit and be successful throughout your life time? I think we do...
And that's the answer I will go with - because it's basic and truthful. Though inside I always panicking, because there is so much more that I want, and at the same time, I want nothing. 

I hate to think of my future family, because whenever I do, I always get this moment that goes by really fast, but leaves a very long time to think about - what if I will never get perfect family like I wish to have one? What if I will never get a family? Something might happen that I have never planned or thought about before! And the thoughts like that keep repeating in my head all the time, when ever I think about something or someone.

So whenever I start to think or question my self about the future (it happens automatically), I try to fill my head with different things, like songs, pictures, memories even, and anything else, but not the future, because it only disappoints me.